Relative reveals sordid story to prevent wedding

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of three years recently proposed. The issue is he’s the great-nephew of the man who jilted my great-aunt at the altar in the 1970s. My aunt dated his great-uncle for financial reasons, which she has admitted. She tried to ensure he would stay with her by “baby trapping” him and telling him he had to marry her. He agreed until the day arrived — and he didn’t show.

This shouldn’t be important to the current situation because it was decades ago, and I barely know my greataunt. She didn’t even know my fiance’s name until the most recent family reunion when I mentioned our engagement and my soonto- be last name. She freaked out and demanded he leave her house! She told me not to marry him, and said his family was all the same.

I don’t like my great-aunt much, but after this controversy, her children and her siblings are threatening to shun me if I marry him. The wedding is in five months, and I’m torn. Family is important to me, and while I’m not close to her, I made it a mission to be closer to her kids (my cousins) and relatives as I grew older.

I know what happened to her hurt her a lot, but I feel her demand is outrageous.

What should I do? Should I postpone the wedding?

— PAST DRAMA IN THE PRESENT DEAR PAST DRAMA: Let me get this straight. Your aunt tried to trap a young man into marriage by claiming she was having his child. Did she have the baby, and was the father’s paternity ever established? If your fiance’s uncle got wind of the fact that he was being falsely accused and that your aunt not only didn’t love him but was after him for financial gain, who can blame him for running? I certainly don’t.

The decision you now must make is whether you want to break an engagement to your fiance (whom I presume you know well and love after three years) or cave in to the emotional blackmail of your ethically challenged aunt.

I know what I would do.

This may be your chance to “break the curse.”

DEAR ABBY: After a social occasion, I come home and obsess about what I did or didn’t say. Did I act appropriately? I worry and keep doing these “reviews” in my head. It’s painful. The social occasion can be lunch with a friend, a phone call or a party. I’ve done this for years, and it’s exhausting.

Why do I do this? More to the point, how can I stop? — REPLAYING IN ARIZONA DEAR REPLAYING: While I am not allowed to diagnose an illness in any state of the Union, speaking as a “talented” amateur, it seems you have a nasty case of social anxiety. A licensed psychotherapist can help to lessen the obsessive thinking that is torturing you. Your doctor or health insurance company can refer you.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 29-year-old man who has been with a fantastic woman, 25, for the last year. I believe she is The One. We have moved quickly and have already settled into an apartment together.

Recently, she was asked to be a bridesmaid in a wedding between her ex’s cousin and a friend she met through her ex. Her ex will be a part of the wedding. She isn’t very close with this friend.

It seems like the bride-to-be doesn’t have many other friends.

It is clear to me that my girlfriend really wants to attend this wedding. I asked her to see if we could attend the wedding without her being a bridesmaid, but she’s under the impression that we wouldn’t be invited otherwise. I felt like I couldn’t say no, so I agreed to go if she agreed she wouldn’t attend any event where her ex would be present.

But now she has agreed to be a bridesmaid, and I find myself getting upset every time the wedding is mentioned.

I haven’t begun to feel resentful toward her, but I’m worried this may change as the wedding draws closer. I want to be supportive, but I also can’t ignore that I am clearly not OK with this arrangement. What should I do? — NEW BOYFRIEND IN CONNECTICUT DEAR BOYFRIEND: You should not be placing stipulations on your girlfriend, who is part of the wedding. For her to back out on her promise to be in the bridal party would be bad form. Pressuring her to do that is childish on your part.

You have an opportunity to be a hero and conquer your insecurity.

Grab hold of it and send your girlfriend to the wedding … alone. And when you do, smile, give her a hug and tell her you hope she has a good time, and that you will be waiting with open arms when she gets back.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips.

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