Dad wants daughter to follow his wishes

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a 22-year-old daughter who recently graduated college and moved back home. In high school, she developed obsessive-compulsive disorder and anxiety, and she missed a lot of social growth as a result. A couple of years ago, she started dating a guy I don’t like. He is controlling; before they even started dating, he’d always ask where she was and who she was with. I’m concerned he’s a problem, but she doesn’t see it. Now, she often spends the night with him. This bothers me because this isn’t how she was raised, and I don’t think it’s appropriate. Also, she is a bit naive due to her earlier issues. When she doesn’t come home at night, I find myself not speaking to her for a few days. I’ve told her about my concerns and that she has the rest of her life to do whatever she wants, but as long as she’s living here, she should respect my wishes and come home at night. I want to add, we pay for her healthcare, car insurance and cellphone. Do I have the right to expect her to respect my wishes while she is under my roof? — Perplexed Father DEAR PERPLEXED FATHER: You have the right to enforce whatever rules you want in your home. That said, you may not want to throw your daughter out, especially since this may be a vulnerable time for her — and it’s likely she would just move in with him. Rather than threatening to kick her out, engage her as the young woman she is. Talk to her about her choices, her values and her desires for the future. Do your best to get her to open up so you can learn what she wants for her life in the big picture. I don’t recommend ultimatums.