Our Black Rose offers comfort to families after suicide

Elizabeth Township is getting involved with the program through its junior commissioner.

Elizabeth Township Junior Commissioner Brendan Stroschein plans to work with Our Black Rose to bring resources to area families who may need them.

Our Black Rose is a nonprofit initiative focused on postvention services and immediate support for suicide loss survivors. It operates on donations and grants.

The nonprofit wanted a way to recognize the unique grief of suicide loss survivors while honoring how their lost loved ones lived rather than how they died.

The group provides services to municipalities by putting together care packages equipped with resources about grief, support groups, who to call to have arrangements made and more.

“It is really giving support and guidance,” Stroschein said. “It would be a huge benefit to the township, zero cost to the township and it provides our police, who are responding to a suicide call, with the proper resources to aid in a family’s biggest hurdle of their life.”

Suicide is the second leading cause of death for people ages 10 to 34 in Pennsylvania and the fourth leading cause of death for individuals ages 35 to 54, according to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.

More than six times as many people died by suicide in 2019 than in alcohol-related motor vehicle acci- dents, according to the foundation, and it’s estimated that 90% of those who die by suicide have a mental health condition. The rate of suicide is highest for middle- aged white men, and more than half of all suicide deaths involved a firearm.

Recently, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention released provisional estimates for suicide deaths in the United States showing an increase of 2.6% in 2022.

“Suicide is a public health issue which affects a larger number of people,” the Our Black Rose website states. “Research firmly establishes that family members of individuals who die by suicide have a greater risk of dying by suicide themselves. However, postvention services or activities that help reduce risk and promote health and healing, are difficult to find for suicide loss survivors.”

Stroschein said these packages are impactful, and he wants to implement it within the police department to show that the township cares to support those in need. He added that there are a lot of resources for prevention, but not many resources for postvention.

“In our world today, we see so many people taking their own lives,” Stroschein said. “Mental health is a huge thing now. As much as (the package) helps other people, it really shows our citizens that the township cares about them as individuals, and we’ll provide them with the support during a trying time.”

Our Black Rose founder Kelleigh Boland, who Stroschein has known since he was born, went through the packages piece by piece with commissioners.

The organization is based in Wilmerding, but it has delivered care packages nationally. The other founder is Lori Butler, Boland’s mother.

Boland’s brother, Pat Butler, died by suicide in 2020, and there weren’t many resources for family members or friends after his death.

“At the scene of his death and a suicide, there is very clearly a huge need for immediate support and assistance following such a tragedy because when a family or loved one is at the scene, there are a lot of things that go on that you are unable to process because you’re in shock,” Boland said.

The family’s tragedy in losing Pat to suicide propelled them forward to create care packages to help others navigate such a loss, Boland said.

To date, 392 care packages have been distributed to Our Black Rose’s distribution partners and directly to survivors navigating a suicide loss.

Distribution partners include funeral homes and police departments. The organization partners with 50 funeral homes in Allegheny County, along with 10 police departments, and supplies care packages to Indiana County and Butler County.

“We never want someone to have a care package,” Boland said. “That is not the intent. We want people to know what’s available. We have no rules around one box, one care package per family. We try to be as open and inclusive as possible into what that definition of loved one is or what that definition of suicide loss survivor is.”

Our Black Rose receives donations and grants from places like the Upper Saint Clair and Bethel Park Rotaries and more, Boland said.

They also use Allegheny County’s Department of Human Services data on suicide deaths to determine the number of packages that need to be distributed to their partners.

“Funeral homes know the cause of death, see families following a death, and would not make public something that some people want to keep private because of the stigma related to suicide,” Boland said. “The partnership with funeral homes really took off. Funeral home staff were appreciative and encouraged about the need to have something to provide for families.”

The more recent partnership with police departments, which started where Boland lives in South Fayette, saw the same reaction from police.

Boland added that each department the nonprofit has partnered with has commented on how much the service is needed and appreciated, and they always wanted to work with police departments.

Now the nonprofit has connected with several police departments, and when Boland found out that Stroschein became a junior commissioner, they both thought it would be a perfect partnership.

The care package is a black box tied with a teal ribbon, and the contents are encased in purple tissue paper to honor the national suicide prevention colors of teal/purple.

Materials in the care package include a black rose on top of the materials, which symbolizes beauty and life existing even in darkness. They also have a letter from Boland’s family to the loss survivor, a journal and pen for memories and grief support and more.

“The care package is meant to be given both as a grief gift to say you are not alone in this, and other people are going through this unwanted journey with you,” Boland said. “It has really tangible resources. It’s meant to present a small source of comfort on someone’s worst day.”

Commissioner Chris Thoma said the package has everything someone would want to know following the death of a loved one, and is a resource to find short-term or long-term help in the Pittsburgh area.

“If this happens, hopefully it never happens, (the package is for) one of the things for the first person that arrives there, which is the police,” Thoma said. “So when they go into a situation like that, they have to be careful of how they present themselves because they really don’t know what’s going on. In trying to have empathy for the loved ones, at the same time you have to be careful how to go (about it).”

Thoma added that he hopes the packages, when needed, will give families hope in a challenging time. The packages also cost nothing to have on hand and can be replaced at any time.

There is a huge gap and need for families following a suicide, according to Boland, and it provides support to someone at their own pace and in their own comfort.

“(The package) hints to a type of empathy and understanding that is often not given around a suicide loss,” Boland said. “People are very hesitant to talk about it openly and publicly, and people don’t know what to say sometimes.

“The care package allows funeral homes, police and if you are presenting it to a family as a resource, it allows you to provide something tangible that shows you’re acknowledging the death without overstepping,” she added. “There are extremely limited resources for how you navigate that trauma. I think if any time you can provide comfort or support or empathy, that we need more of that, and I think Our Black Rose does that for people.”

Anyone in the country can go to Our Black Rose’s website to get packages, and those looking for more resources or information can go to https://www.ourblackrose. org or email ourblackrose86@ gmail.com.

If you or someone you know is in crisis or having thoughts of suicide, help is available. Please reach out to the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 or chatting via 988lifeline. org. Support is confidential, free, and available

24/7.