Business relationship clouds couple’s response to affair

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have a friend, “Sophie,” who is cheating on her husband of 25 years. Of course, this is not our business. But now, unbeknownst to her husband, she has incorporated her lover into their everyday life. Her lover is from India and is also married. Sophie is now obsessed with all things Indian — wearing saris, dancing in her lover’s dance troupe and wearing henna all over her body. My husband and I are involved in a small business with Sophie and her husband, and I’m growing more uncomfortable by the day as she constantly confides to me about her and her lover’s sex life, addictions, how she’s pursued him, etc. I told her she’s playing with fire.

Now I remain silent, hoping she’ll stop. Meanwhile, she’s started a new business that has incorporated him into her life on a daily basis.

We love Sophie’s husband.

He’s a good and trustworthy man. I absolutely will never be the one to tell him what’s going on, but we need to get away from her. Without hurting the husband, what explanation can we give for stepping away on a business and personal level? Because he WILL ask why. He’s a kind and compassionate man who feels very close to both of us. Any gentle suggestions? — KNOWS TOO MUCH DEAR KNOWS: Start by making yourself and your husband less available to socialize with these people. If Sophie continues to confide in you, tell her you do not approve and do not want to hear another word about her affair. You may not have to worry about keeping mum around the husband because, sooner or later, he is going to catch on to the fact that something is going on.

Because you did not mention how closely tied your financial interests are with Sophie and her husband, I will assume you are not solely dependent upon it. That is why you and your husband should consider telling Sophie’s husband that “considering the state of the economy,” your financial picture has changed, and you will need to relinquish your interest in the business. Your attorney can help you with this.

DEAR ABBY: I have an identical twin who lives in a different state. I am married; she never has been. At 62, she still demands that I live my life her way. I love her, but I’m an adult. I live by my own rules. She seems enraged that I don’t think and behave the same way she does. By the way, she works from home and sets her own schedule. I work in a call center. I would appreciate your input. — LIKES MY FREEDOM IN IOWA DEAR LIKES: At 62, you are entitled to live your life exactly as you wish. So is your sister. You may be identical, but this does not mean you must think alike. Perhaps the next time your twin unloads on you, you should remind her of that.

DEAR ABBY: My stepdaughter has an 11-year-old daughter I’ll call “Kristina.”

Kristina is very well-behaved, but she’s being taught at home that love is measured in dollars. She is constantly hinting about gifts and candy she wants. It has gotten so bad that when I keep her, I postpone errands because she invariably finds something in every store that she needs or wants. I don’t mind buying her things from time to time, but the items I purchase are sometimes returned to the store or sold by her mother. Although Kristina is an only child, she is not my only grandchild. If I buy a gift for another grandchild, I have to hide it because Kristina thinks it’s hers.

If she sees money on my dresser, she talks about how much cash others have given her. She helps herself to our candy dish without asking permission and sometimes muses about how many gifts dead relatives would have given to her if they were still alive. Then there’s her birthday. After Christmas each year, she starts hinting that her birthday is coming up. Abby, she was born in JULY! For six months, almost without exception, she brings up her birthday in every conversation until she’s sure I have bought her a gift. I have tried a variety of responses, but she’s not getting the hint.

Don’t even suggest that I talk with her parents about it, because they spend money they don’t have to buy her gifts and then struggle to pay bills. They also don’t seem to appreciate what we do for them and don’t always thank us. Any other suggestions you could give me would be appreciated. — TIRED OF THE MANIPULATION DEAR TIRED: Talk to Kristina’s parents again.

This time, tell them EXACTLY what you have told me — that her main topic of conversation is what she wants you to give her on the next gift-giving occasion, because it seems OBSESSIVE. Tell them you have gotten the impression that their daughter seems to regard you as less of a loving grandparent than a toy vending machine, and it is unsubtle and obnoxious.

Then, if they don’t pass along the message — which would allow Kristina to save face — YOU should do it.

If you go along with this current scenario, her bad behavior will only continue.

DEAR READERS: Happy Father’s Day to fathers everywhere — birth fathers, stepfathers, adoptive and foster fathers, grandfathers, and all of you caring men who mentor children and fill the role of absent dads.

P.S. Also, a big shout-out to dual-role moms. I applaud you all — today and every day. — LOVE, ABBY