Dater wants a little more effort than a dive bar

DEAR HARRIETTE: A man asked me on a first date to a dive bar. I said no because I already felt like he was trying to see how little effort he could put into planning where we would go. I’m not saying he needed to spend a ton of money on me — especially for a first date — but his idea just felt flat-out lazy. In the past, I’ve been in relationships where my boyfriend would see how little effort he could put into me and see if he could get away with it. Saying no felt like an act of self-respect, but it also left me second-guessing myself. I don’t want to come across as high-maintenance or unfair, but I also don’t want to settle for less than I deserve. How do I balance being open-minded with setting standards for effort and intention early on, and how can I communicate what I want without scaring someone off or feeling like I’m asking for too much? — The Art of Dating