After weight loss, mom struggles to feel confident

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have lost around 200 pounds over the past two years. It hasn’t been an easy journey at all because I have done it all naturally. As a mom of three, I gained a significant amount of weight during my pregnancies, and it stuck with me for years.

Because I am done having children, I decided to make a change so I could be healthy and present for my kids. I am incredibly proud of the physical transformation I’ve achieved and the hard work I’ve put into reaching this milestone. However, despite the weight loss and the physical changes, I still don’t feel confident.

I thought losing weight would automatically make me feel better about myself, but I’ve come to realize that confidence doesn’t solely stem from how you look on the outside. It’s much more about how you feel about yourself on the inside. Even with my new appearance, I still struggle with the self-doubt and insecurities that I’ve carried with me for years. It’s as if the weight loss has uncovered these deeper issues rather than resolving them. I find myself worrying whether people perceive me differently now and whether I am healthier and happier. I want to build my self-esteem and feel genuinely good about myself, beyond just my physical appearance. How can I shift my mindset and focus on my inner confidence? — What’s Next?

DEAR WHAT’S NEXT?: Congratulations on losing 200 pounds. That’s a huge accomplishment, and you should be proud of yourself. This is good for you and your family. To align yourself with the goodness inside, you may want to get some help. Enlist the support of a therapist who can explore your life with you and coach you on healthy ways to build self-esteem. Having help is a great thing.

You can also continue to eat well and work out. Surround yourself with people who are affirming. This may require you to end any toxic relationships in your life.

Make smart choices that are gentle and uplifting for you.

Do your best not to think about what others have to say about you. Affirm what you want, and work to make that happen.

DEAR HARRIETTE: You often hear from people who “loan” money to family members. I have found that one never really loans money to their relatives.

When the loan is not repaid, feelings get hurt. It is best to give the money with no strings attached. If it is returned, it’s a win-win. If it is not returned — as there were no expectations for it to be returned — there should be no hard feelings, but a lesson learned. — No Family Loan DEAR NO FAMILY LOAN: Your advice is the safest, to be sure, as it helps to avoid all kinds of emotional drama later. The challenge that some people face in this situation is if a family member needs more money than you can afford to give. If you are able to say no because you cannot give it, that’s great. But sometimes it is very difficult to say no and keep the peace in the family.