Moms aren’t perfect, but they want to be

By STACY WOLFORD

swolford@yourmvi.com

“All I am I owe to my mother. I attribute my success in life to the moral, intellectual and physical education I received from her.”

— George Washington

As  we celebrate Mother’s Day tomorrow, we honor the women who shaped us, nurtured us, taught us and showed us what life and love are about. 

True, fathers do all of those things, too, but in different ways. It’s not about whose role is bigger or better, and it’s not even about conforming to the specific gender roles. 

It is simply acknowledging that both parents influence our lives through the choices they make with us, and each one’s influence is distinct from the other.

The image of motherhood has changed in so many ways over the past half-century or so, and yet in many ways it has barely changed at all. There used to be a simplified image of what it meant to be a mother in American culture, crystallized in the characterization of June Cleaver or Claire Huxtable. 

Tomorrow, we acknowledge birth mothers, stepmothers, foster mothers, surrogate mothers, same-sex mothers, single mothers, working moms, military moms and many other varieties.

This Mother’s Day will undoubtedly be different for many families as we are faced with social distancing thanks to the coronavirus pandemic. This will be the first-ever Mother’s Day I will not get to spend with my “Ma,” Joy Sethman. Since she is considered in the high-risk health category, it’s been nearly two months since I’ve seen her or my dad, Charlie. I miss her cooking (she makes the best potato salad and cabbage rolls on earth), and how she caters and fusses over us with every visit. Phone calls just aren’t the same.

I didn’t need the coronavirus pandemic to remind me how much I love, need and miss my Mom. But, it sure has put a lot of things in perspective.

Mothers are often portrayed in literature and folklore (and Hallmark cards and commercials) as the most selfless and gentle of human beings — giving up their time, their last bite of food when their kids are hungry, their own needs, and often sleep — especially when their children are ages 0 to 5, and then again from ages 16 to the rest of their life.

But mothers aren’t perfect. They make mistakes. They lose their temper (and yes, some of us swear more than we should). They forget to send a permission slip in for a field trip or burn dinner. 

I am guilty of all of the above. 

But while I’m sure my Mom has done all of those things, as I look back, I simply don’t remember. 

What I do remember is her always being there for us, picking me up off the ground on my lowest days and giving me a tough-love lecture when I needed it. I remember her sacrifices and the pride she had in her face when we accomplished even the smallest of milestones. I remember the tears she shed holding her grandchildren for the first time and the ones that fell when she held my Gram’s hand for the last time. 

The hard times and the arguments (and there have been plenty!) are the memories that fade as time goes by. 

I hope my sons will think of me the same way and remember that no matter what, I love them unconditionally and always cared for them the best I could. 

At the end of the day, that’s all us moms can do — our very best.

So this Mother’s Day, let’s celebrate our mothers for all they have certainly sacrificed and taught us. 

Let’s celebrate ourselves for being imperfect, but still getting up every day, working hard and trying to be the best parent we know how. 

Let’s celebrate mothers not just Sunday, but every day. 

Mothers are not more worthy of praise than other people. But what they do is critically important — and the role of a mother can be whatever we want it to be. It’s defined not by our perfection — it is defined by doing our best to care for another living creature we are responsible for. That can be our child, our niece, a grandparent, friend, cousin or even a cat or a dog.

Mothers are not defined by the perfection they exhibit, but the love they outpour, and the love they get in return. Don’t forget to celebrate the mother in your life on Mother’s Day, no matter whoever, or wherever she may be, no matter to who or what she devotes that selflessness.

And to all those mothers out there — on Mother’s Day, don’t forget to celebrate yourself by dropping the perfection standards to which you might hold yourself. 

Indulge yourself in the love you have nurtured, eat all the chocolate cake you want — and above all, get some sleep.

That still sounds like the best way to celebrate, although a card or flowers and a nice brunch out — with social distancing of course — and a cold, adult beverage wouldn’t hurt. 

But what mothers really want from their children is a heartfelt acknowledgment of the many sacrifices they made on their behalf.

So, thanks, Ma, for being the absolute best. I don’t know what we’d do without you.

Stacy Wolford is managing editor of the Mon Valley Independent.